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The Bro Code, Part 1
he isn't full of fluff and gloss
bro_codebreaker


Definition of a Bro: A person who will always be with you ... unless he's got something else anymore. If someone has upheld one or more articles of this code, in regards to you, they are your Bro. Chicks can be Bros as long as they uphold the same credentials.

The Articles:

1. Bros before hoes.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless the bro is on a loss where said bro is, in fact, a ho, and therefore the ho still comes first.

2. A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are doing it.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless those bros are doing it due to a loss, in which case: sorry, bro, you're on your own.

3. If a bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full grown.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Rainbow fish and other Weird Castle Pets are totally acceptable.

4. A bro never divulges the full Bro Code to a woman.
COROLLARY: Unless she is, of course, a Bro (see Definition of a Bro, and/or Article 22).

5. Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.

6. A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a locker room.

7. A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro.

8. A bro never admits he can't drive stick - even after an accident.

9. Should a bro lose a body part, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes about it.

10. A bro will drop whatever he's doing and help his bro dump a chick.

11. A bro may ask another bro to help him move, but only if he estimates how long it'll take and says how heavy the furniture is.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Dude. Just have the ghosts do it for you.

12. Bros do not share dessert.

13. All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman.

14. If a chick inquires about another bro's sexual history, another bro shall honor the Brode Of Silence and play dumb.

15. A bro never dances with his hands above his head.

16. A bro should be able to cite the following current champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year.

17. A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming.

18. If a bro spearheads a beer run, he is entitled to any change left over.

19. A bro shall not sleep with another bro's sister - but is allowed to say she's hot.

20. A bro respects his bros in the military.

21. A bro never shares observations about another bro's hot girlfriend.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless they are under a very well-guarded filter and both communicating parties are sworn to secrecy.

22. There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a bro.

23. When flipping through channels, a bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs.

24. When wearing a baseball cap, a bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock.

25. A bro doesn't let another bro get a tattoo, especially of a girl's name.

26. Unless he has children, a bro shall not wear his cellphone on a belt clip.

27. A bro never removes his shirt in front of other bros, unless at a pool or beach.

28. A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight.

29. If two bros decide to catch a movie, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM, and may not share a tub of popcorn.

30. A bro doesn't comparison shop.

31. When on the prowl, a bro hits on the hottest chick first, because you just never know.

32. A bro doesn't allow another bro to get married until he's at least thirty.

33. When in a public restroom, a bro stares straight ahead when using the urinal.

34. Bros cannot make contact during a Devil's Threeway (two dudes).

35. A bro never rents a chick flick.

36. When questioned in the company of women, a bro always decries fake breasts.

37. A bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone.

38. Even in a fight to the death, a bro never punches another bro in the groin.

39. When a bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least 96 hours before calling her.

40. Should a bro become stricken with engagement, the other bros shall stage an intervention. This is more commonly known as a bachelor party.

41. A Bro never cries. (Exceptions: Watching Ballpark of Reveries, OS: The Outer Space Guy, or upon the retirement of a sports legend.)

42. Upon greeting another bro, a bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or bro hug, but never a full embrace.

43. A bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.
PARADISA COROLLARY: Unless you're from another world, in which case .... Wait, no. No, that still stands. Sorry, guys. My country pwns.

44. A bro never applies sunscreen on another bro. (Exception: Unless they are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.)

45. A bro never wears jeans to a strip club.

46. If a bro is seated next to some dude stuck in the middle seat of an airplane, he shall yield to him all of the use of their shared armrest.

47. A bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.

48. A bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged.

49. When asked "do you need some help", a bro shall automatically respond "I got it". (Exceptions: carrying an expensive TV, parking an expensive car, or loading an expensive TV into an expensive car.)

50. If a bro should accidentally strike another bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both bros silently agree to carry on as if it never happened.

51. A bro checks out another bro's blind date, and responds with either a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

52. A bro is not required to remember another bro's birthday.

53. Even in a drought, a bro flushes twice.

54. A bro is required to go out with his bros on St. Patrick's Day and other official bro holidays, including: Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day: February 13th.
PARADISA COROLLARY: The day after world-changes is also considered an official bro holiday. This should go without saying, but you never know.

55. Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another bro.

56. A bro is required to alert another bro if the bro/chick ratio at a party falls below 1:1.

57. A bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another bro, unless another bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.

58. A bro doesn't grow a moustache. (Exception: Tom Selleck)

59. A bro must always post bail for another bro, unless it's out of state, or like, crazy-expensive.


((OOC: The mun would like to point out that these articles are taken in their very barest form, without Barney's embellishments and examples, from The Bro Code tie-in book for HIMYM. The book has a LOT more stuff than this - I highly recommend chasing down a copy, especially the audiobook read by NPH. All the Paradisa Corollaries and extra rules, however, were written by me. ;D))
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